I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
