omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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