Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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