The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
