dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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