Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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