What did we do last night that was yellow?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
