just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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