I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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