Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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