it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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