Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
