I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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