as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
