did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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