i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
