I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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