Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
