All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
