Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
