Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
