The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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