I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize