How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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