First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
false alarm. still invincible.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
