I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
