Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
