Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
