Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She even gives head with a lisp.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
