Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
