your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
