She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
