I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
