Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
