There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
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The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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