I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
