too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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