I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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