my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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