I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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