All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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