Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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