Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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