I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
