I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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