I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
