wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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