If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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