Umm I'm too high to move.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
