I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
nutella sex= disaster
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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