pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
