If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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