The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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