I feel great
I just peed on a car
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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