my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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