i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
