woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
