I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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