Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
