While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Will exercising make me less horny?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize