What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my shit smells like andre
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
