I met the friendliest cop last night
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
