I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
